My Facebook feed was on fire with posts about the
Miley Cyrus ... er ... performance at the Video Music Awards. People reacted
strongly—most negatively, but a few defending the 20-year-old.
And that, I guess, is the thing that makes me feel a
little nauseous. She is 20 years old. Just a baby.
How does a darling little girl go from Disney
stardom to that moment where she finds herself nearly naked on a stage in front
of millions doing obscene things with a foam finger? I’m not in show business,
but does that seem like a good career move?
As I watched it on YouTube (where it will
undoubtedly be viewed a gazillion times or until someone does something more
outrageous next year month—shock value has a very short shelf life), I thought
about all the moms with daughters who are figuring out what to do with the star
they once idolized.
For what it’s worth, I think Miley’s story contains
some golden teaching moments:
1. No matter who you are,
you need people. I don’t know if Miley has bad advisers in her life or
if she’s positioned herself outside their counsel, but this is what happens when
you stop listening to the right people. With the life-defining decisions like
“Should I keep it classy at the VMAs or become a really well-paid porn star?”
you gotta have input from people outside your situation. It’s imperative.
Take Miley out of the equation for a minute, though,
because I’ve seen girls make this same mistake a million times over issues that
were much lower profile but no less important to the outcome of their lives. If
you can’t get three good people to sign off on a big decision, beware. If you
have to reject the counsel of or distance yourself from the people you’ve loved
and trusted your whole life, beware.
Let’s teach our daughters: Surround yourself with
wise people and trust them to help you make the big decisions. Especially trust
their judgment if you’re about to do something that has any chance of going
viral.
2. Popularity is a harsh
mistress. We’ve seen this child-star trajectory many times. They
desperately try to outrun their Disney image until they run out of road and
crash badly. It’s not surprising.
The growing-up process is hard enough without having
an audience watching and commenting on it. Becoming our real, true selves can be
treacherous even when we’re not being paid to pretend to be someone else. And
you better believe with all that adoration comes a whole freight train of
criticism—and not the constructive kind.
Child stars live in glass houses beneath a constant
barrage of stones being thrown by the masses. They are loved and loathed.
Worshipped and wrecked.
In Miley’s performance, I saw a girl who has
received the attention of the masses but still feels she has to fight to be
seen. She lives in a world where someone newer, fresher and prettier is always
nipping at your heels, and sex always sells.
Let’s teach our girls: Don’t sell your soul for the
applause of the crowd—it’s a two-edged sword. Be authentic. Be true. Be love.
Everything else will fall into place from there.
3. Could we talk about Robin Thicke for a
minute? Married man. Twice her age.
Let’s teach our daughters: Real men protect women.
They don’t use them for cheap thrills or big ratings. They don’t.
And to the men in the audience and behind the
cameras: You don’t gawk at a woman who's making a bad decision with her body.
You look away or offer your coat. Because you can’t criticize exploitation while
also consuming it.
Oh, and let’s teach our sons: Be a real man.
Bo
Stern is a blogger and author of the newly-released
Beautiful Battliefields (NavPress). She knows the most beautiful things
can come out of the hardest times. Her Goliath came in the form of her husband’s
terminal illness, a battle they are still fighting with the help of their four
children, a veritable army of friends and our extraordinary God. Bo is a
teaching pastor at Westside Church in Bend, Ore
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