Thursday, December 4, 2014

What I Love About Delaney-October 2014

I adore this little daily ritual or habit we have...For the last few month you wait till Drake goes to bed and then you drag me by the arm to another room so we can sit and talk about the day, boys, music, you tubers, or anything else you have on your mind to talk about. We also sit and read together or watch our show " Supernatural", mainly so you can talk about how much you love Jensen Ross Ackles AKA Dean. If we are not watching Supernatural for Dean (lets just say why we really watch this show), then we are watching Walking Dead so you can droll over Norman Reedus, AKA Darryl. So basically "our shows" are based on who you find attractive, but hey at least you have good taste in men-must get that from me :)

Scripture Verse.. Proverbs 4:23 "Keep your heart with all caution because from it is the outgoing of life." (Aramaic Bible) or  "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." (NIV) Matthew 15:18 "But the things that come out of a person's mouth come from the heart, and these defile them." Matthew 15:19 "For out of the heart come evil thoughts--murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander." Mark 7:21 "For it is from within, out of a person's heart, that evil thoughts come--sexual immorality, theft, murder,.." Proverbs 23:19 "Listen, my son, and be wise, and set your heart on the right path:"

Favorite Photos...
Spending time behind bars
Old Sparky

In the space shuttle

Favorite Things We Did... 

This month started out good. We celebrated your brothers 8th birthday at the Houston Space Station and had a blast. We went to the Loving Hope Benefit that focuses on helping those who are struggling with their sexual identity and with Christ. We also finished our dance badge in AHG. That was a really good time actually. We all learned how to do the Charleston, Electric Slide, Break Dancing, the Jitterbug, Ballet and many other dances this last month. Of course yours was The Electric Slide or aka Cuban Shuffle, which all the girls and leaders fell in love with. I think we did this dance almost every meeting just because you kept bringing it up and saying you would lead it!! We also studied the history of our penal system and went to visit the Texas Prison Museum out in Huntsville. You got to sit in Old Sparky, spend time in a jail cell, and learn how prisoners make different types of shanks!

One of your most irresistible physical features is..  
Your contagious smile. When you actually smile and not smirk your whole face lights up and you get a beautiful glow to you.

I missed you when....  
At the end of this month you tried to leave this world by your own hand. This month you attempted suicide for the 2nd time. It was the scariest moment in my life. We were at church when you fell out and started having seizures back to back. You then started vomiting and then going back into a seizure. I have never been more terrified in all my life then I was at that moment for you. Your friend told me that you had taken over 100 pills to kill yourself because you could not handle life anymore. I kept thinking how can my 14 year old daughter feel so alone and in such deep despair that she feels ending her life is the only way to overcome it? I thought all of this was over a boy, and partly it was, but it  went so much deeper than that I would come to find out. 

You ended up spending a week at Children's Hospital. You stayed incubated for 2 days because you could not breathe on your own. You were strapped down for 3. Every time you woke up (which was about every hour to two) you became delusional and would strike out at staff. The only person you recognized every-time was me. The doctor told me this was normal for the pills you took. That they acted like speed and that was why you could not sleep for any length of time and why you were seeing things.  The fear was that your heart would build up fluid and your kidneys would shut down. Finally the pills passed through your system. Your 3rd EKG  came back normal (your first two showed fluid) and your kidneys were functioning normally as well.

The day we were leaving the hospital.
From Children's you went to a psych facility and spent a 8 days there as well. We got you on medication, a WRAP plan to follow at home and then got you back in with your psychiatrists and a new psychologist to follow up with for counseling. I knew some of what was going in with you. You have been suffering with major depression for the last year and anxiety as well. It was one of the reasons I decided to go back to homeschooling you. What I did not know about where the threats you were getting, the fear you were living in that someone would harm me or kill me and you would have no one to care for you, that you were worried something bad would happen to your little brother. I did not know about the e-mails, the texts or phone calls you were receiving that were threatening to destroy your world. I know God's hand was over all of this. From the beginning God was watching over you.  Normally on Tuesdays, you would have been left alone at home while I took your brother to AWANA and would walk. This Tuesday however your dad was having surgery and I was going to take you to see him, so by God's grace alone you were with me (something you were not planning on) when you fell out. We were at church, surrounded by our extended family who could step in and help when I lost it. We were within minutes of the hospital so the staff was able to act quickly, you had told your best friend exactly what you took so the doctors knew exactly how to help. Had this not happened when it did, I have no doubt you would not be here with me today still. Any other day you would have been successful. I would not have known about the threats on all our lives, I would not have known about the bullying, the fear you were living in. I would not have had someone who could immediately take care of your little brother for 2 weeks so I could stay with you the whole time. Gods faithfulness to our family was very clear and present through this whole experience and hopefully it will draw you closer to Him.

5 Words/Phrases that come to mind when I think about you: 
broken, healing, love, courageous, protector.

Some of our favorite songs we both love...
Anything by Maroon 5..lets face it they are pretty awesome.  Right about now, outside of the other songs already mentioned last month, we have not found any "new" songs that we both enjoy. Although we both do like dub-step.

helping younger girls learn ballet moves
Special Occasions... 
Times we spend hanging out at Starbucks, drinking coffee and talking about life or people watching. I adore the alone time that we get to spend together. The times we go walking, when we are poking fun at each other, goffin off doing silly things or just sitting on the couch watching a movie.
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